Thursday, December 11, 2008

Frostbite

From the m4m casual encounters:

The title: want this pussy?

The post itself is completely boring, but the combination of the title and the photo and the post itself moderately entertaining.
tight, warm ass here. gl bi-racial guy looking for masc tops to come open me up. i prefer guys who know what they like in bed and want to show me. send stats and/or pics for response. i have pics also

I am not a gay man, so clearly I am not the expert here, but I don't think anyone sees a tranquil winter landscape and thinks about sex. I mean, I think about sex all the time, but if I happen to think about sex while looking at a tranquil winter landscape I immediately start thinking about frostbite.

I am not a gay man, but sometimes reading gay craigslist makes me kind of wish I were , if only because of posts like this one: Getting high in hose n heels. Dressing up and smoking weed and having sex with a stranger actually sounds kind of fun. If you end up dating, it's the cutest how-we-met story ever, and if you never see the guy again it's still a great story for when you get into drunk overshare mode.

But then I read the post and it made me giggle. 
mostyl str8 but want to suck in hose and heels n MAYBE get _ucked...5'5 165 light trimmed safe only..cannot host
Short little straight guy who wants to give head.

Crossdressing is usually a straight guy thing, and so oddly enough I'm tempted to believe that this guy actually is "mostyl str8" and that kind of warms the cockles of my heart. The nice thing about craigslist is that there is such an interesting array of sexuality. 

More religious oddness.

Sometimes I read posts in Casual Encounters and I don't know whether they were put there by mistake or if the poster is just trying something new. People get pretty creative trying to get strangers to have sex with them.

Religion always seems to me like a really odd thing to bring up in Casual Encounters. It makes sense in the personals, but when you're trying to get casual sex I don't think your strongly held religious beliefs are relevant. If anything, they're offputting because I assume that if we do have sex, you'll feel bad about it the next day. Really religious people are completely insane about sex.

That said, I think this one falls into the "funny mistake" category, and I'm posting it more for its location than anything else.

Ok Ladies 

I'm a God fearing black man who does construction and although I never finished high school I believe deeply and strongly in God. I don't have a car, but the little that I do have I don't mind sharing. I spend most of my time attending church and teaching bible study 3 times a week. My prayer is that some day God will send me a God fearing woman who will be my wife. Nothing will make me more happier than this. I don't have much money so women who are gold diggers please do not respond because I believe true love is free. Please respond with photos and I will do the same. 
I feel bad making fun of this guy because he's so poor and he's looking for true love on Casual Encounters, and because spending that much time at church would make me slit my wrists. 

I went to Catholic school, and we had mass once a month. I always brought a book and tried to sit where none of the teachers could see me. I never got caught, which means either the teachers weren't paying attention or that they were just as bored as I was and could sympathize. I'm generally kind of fascinated by religion and religious belief, but I think that's mostly because I find the whole thing so boring that anyone who takes it seriously is like a space alien to me. 

So I feel a little sorry for this poor space alien who spends so much time being poor at church. If you are a god fearing black woman (or you know one) please give E.T. here a chance.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Religion and Craig

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Race, Confusion, and Craigslist

Sometimes, craigslist is more confusing than anything else. And sometimes it gets kind of borderline racist. And sometimes it gets really racist. If you want to read a thoughtful dissection of racism on craigslist, go read this article. I'm just going to make fun of one of the odder posts I found this morning. The spelling isn't mine.

Hey there i a new to new york, but i am not new to love making . I have been with many white daughter of white father and turned their pussy into a black dick craved pussy . This not me who is telling them but i went to a forum and saw , both pic and graphic pics(semi nude and full nude)of white girl with black not one or true but hundred of them just just like me .I am not saying this but some true video speaks 

I want to make love to some white chick and then go and tell her dad that i am Bf. LOL i was kidding. i want to fuck the white girl who love black dick. i am black man. yes young and i am in school in . i am don't want some one from my college to know that what i am doing. that is why i am online looking for new friends. I have dated many girls and want it to be a NSA , 

this is going to be secret and no one will no and all behind closed doors 
m4ww m4mw--
The spelling and race fetish are kind of funny, but pretty much normal for craigslist. The weird thing is the obsession with the girl's father and the fact that he feels the need to tell us that he got this idea from some kind of online forum, specifically one with both nude and semi-nude photos.

Perhaps the most telling part of this is where he says he wants either two women or a woman and a man. I'm pretty sure he's hoping to get in on some incest. There's a hodgepodge of fetishes here, and it's pretty entertaining.

Yes, there's a photo, but check it out yourself.  It's a boring standard blurry penis shot and it's not interesting enough for me to upload.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

ATTACK OF THE GIANT PENISES!

Men on craigslist are always talking about their penises. They talk a lot about what they want people to do to their penises. One of the things I find fascinating about craigslist is that people are much more honest about some things than they would be in real life, but also willing to tell some very wild lies they wouldn't even considering if you'd met at a dinner party.

People always lie about penis size. Either that those uncharismatic types who can't pick up girls in bars are all sporting nine inches.

There is one place, however, where adding a few extra inches will actually decrease your chances of getting what you want. And when you want a blowjob from a woman might just be one of those times.

The post, in its entirety:
can any real women respond who are willing to take 8 inches of cock?
I like a big one as much as the next girl and probably more than most, but I prefer them in my vagina because shoving a massive dick down my throat is not that comfortable. I'm usually okay with it for the first thirty seconds, because that is about how long it takes blowjobs to stop being fun for me. 

He's probably more like seven or seven and a half, and either of those would be much less intimidating.

And then there's the question form, as exemplified by who wants to try a 9" DICK??? I kind of doubt he'll be able to get those "nine" inches up at all, since he sounds like he's been having a serious coke binge.
Pretty straightforward really. Your pics get mine. No fella or couples. Call me the US Enterprise 'cause I go boldly where no man has gone before--ALL THE WAY (and then some). Feed the cat. Hurts so GOOD.
It's accompanied by a photo of a sweet young lady:


But she doesn't look exactly comfortable. 

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Fake Douchebags

Some people are douchebags. Most of these people are on craigslist.

Here are two posts that I'm pretty sure are completely fake, probably concocted by teenage pranksters hoping for some indignant e-mails. They'd probably have better luck outside the m4w section. In the w4m section there's way less competition. Seriously, pranksters. Step it up.

Here's the first one: I want a woman to cook me up a thanksgiving dinner. This gentleman is 55 and lives on the Upper East Side.
I want the real deal, a woman who will come by with food and cook me up a thanksgiving dinner. Oh, I don't really own a full set of kitchen utensils, so you will need to bring those. And the turkey and fixin's. After dinner, we will watch a video on my $30 DVD player and 15 year old TV, and then I will go to sleep. You will hang around until the next morning to cook me breakfast, and maybe we will go to a movie later on. 

You must be 21 - 32, bosomy, tight, white, bright and look really good in the light. I deserve it, and this is gonna be the year I get it I'm sure. 

Step up to the plate, ladies of New York.
It's totally fake -- at least, I certainly hope so because anyone who thinks like this makes me sad -- but it's still funny. If it were real it would fit into the "wildly optimistic" category, which is quite an accomplishment for a craigslist post that makes no mention of sex. Because I'm sure there are loads of busty, attractive women out there with nothing better to do on Thanksgiving than cook dinner for a douchebaggy old man.

The next one up is hardcore douchebag, inflated ego version, and I'm pretty certain it's completely fake. There's a photo with it, at least, and the guy in the photo is hot, but in a kind of way that makes me think that the poster just googled until s/he found a pixely image from a men's catalogue. 

Doesn't he look like something out of a Men's Vogue fashion spread? If you're less suspicious than I am, the post is called It's really tough being so rich and absolutely handsome and if you still want to drop him a line after reading it, please let me know how it goes. And if this guy is real, please send me naked photos.

If the guy in the photo is not the poster, and he's a good friend of yours, I would still appreciate naked photos. And maybe a phone number.

After reading this post, not even that pretty face and the hard body I am imagining under that suit would get me anywhere near this boy. Well, not before a couple of drinks, at least. My drunk goggles extend to douchebagginess, unfortunately. 

Without further ado:
I mean, being such a huge baller as I am really has its drawbacks. I know everything about everything, drink Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945 like it's tap water, scoff at people's uninformed opinions on art, drive ferraris several hundred miles over the speed limit while sipping champagne that costs more than most people make in a week, and if a cop were ever to pull me over I would spit the mouthful in his face and demand he pay me $50. But that's not the real me. 

I guess I am just tired of fast-paced, money laden life. Sure, building pyramids made of gold and traveling by velvet lined, slave powered caravan is fun, but after a while you just get the feeling that you want to meet "the one". I don't expect said female to match up with me in any category, that's just absurd, but I do want someone who will challenge my near perfection enough for me to shoot them down, caress their bruised ego and help pay their art school tuition. 

I look forward to the chase, ladies. Please throw on your push-up bras, zip up those Steve Madden fuck-me boots and get ready for the ride of your life. 
On the other hand, my college tuition isn't exactly going to pay itself, and gold pyramids sound nice. Maybe it's worth putting up with this guy for a while.  If he annoys me I can just have sex with him. Never underestimate how much sex can distract you from the fact that you're dating a guy you can't stand. In high school I spun out a relationship with one of the most boring guys I have ever met for months past the expiration date because I failed to notice he was boring, because we were having sex twice a day and he was really, really long-lasting. Twice a day with a marathon man is a serious time commitment, and between that and schoolwork I didn't have time to have an actual conversation with him. He eventually decided we needed to talk more, and refused to buy condoms. We broke up the next day.

The saddest part of that story is that it wasn't even very good sex. 

The Boring Night That Started This

Thanksgiving in college kind of blows, particularly when your family is across the country and you know it's not worth a six-hour plane ride to spend less than a week in the California sunshine. Even if I had gone home, I suspect it would have been kind of depressing. My Dad called me up the other day to tell me all about how he and my mother had all their plans fall through. 

But I digress. The point of all of this is that all my roommates were gone, and so I turned, as I have turned on so many occasions, to Craigslist. It never lets me down.

In the m4w section of the personals -- this is people looking for actual relationships -- I found this gem. The heading read BRAD PITT CLONE HERE !!!!!!!!!! - 29 (QUEENS), and that sounded extremely unlikely to be true. I was hoping for a picture. Instead I got this.
Hey there, vagina, 
You're a fragrant little kitty, 
With your landing strip and camel toe, 
To me, you look so pretty, 
Yes you do... 
You know what I just wanna do, 
Is punish you... 

Hey there, vagina, 
You're a fancy little beaver, 
Let my penis play the quarterback, 
And you can be receiver, 
Yes, it's true... 
I'll throw a touchdown inside you... 
Yes, it's true... 

Oh, it's what you do to me... 
Oh, it's what you do to me... 
Oh, you little penis sleeve... 

I love your little heart-shaped box, 
A pair of lips that never talks, 
It's everything a man could ever want! 

The only problem in the world, 
Is you're connected to a girl, 
And that makes you annoying in the end! 
In the end... 

Hey there, vagina, 
You're a man's reason for living, 
You can make the most froogle, gentlemen, 
Become quite giving, 
Yes, it's true... 
You sausage wallet, 
I love you...
I don't think this guy wants to get laid. I think he just wants someone to tell him that he's clever for spoofing a really annoying song.

Perhaps strangest of all, the sexist poetry was followed with this photo:


Sometimes, people on craigslist are confusing. And sometimes they scare the shit out of you with photos of scary fucking spiders.

Does this blog already exist?

I did some cursory googling, but I didn't find anything. Apparently a blog a while back had a name that sounded too much like the name of the actual craigslist blog and got in trouble for it. Hopefully I'll avoid that.

I've been reading Casual Encounters for a while now. I read them for laughs, because they're funny. Men who post in CE have a whole lot of optimism, which strikes me as kind of compelling. I like the contrast between total honesty about sexual desires and ridiculous lies about endowment, age, and attractiveness. It makes for an interesting mix.

This blog is about me hunting down the best of craigslist for your reading enjoyment. I'll usually try to copy down posts in their entirety, because craigslist breaks links pretty fast and that's just frustrating. I'm also going to try to guess at the motivations behind the postings, and I'll probably tell you some of my stories.

I'm going to write another post about some actual cl entries pretty soon, but for now go read this fun I Did It For Science article. Grant Stoddard attempts to hook up with someone on craigslist, and is really entertaining in the process.