Poetry

Necessity is not the mother of invention. Horniness is.

Sex in the Back of an Abandoned Car: A poem

Sex poetry is fairly common on CL. Witness. Fortunately, this poem isn't horribly misogynistic and is actually kind of fun to read.

Zip! Flap. Coils creek on tires flat. 
Crooked neck tight- 
On ceiling. 
Crunch, plastic ceiling light. 
Zip! Gown. Slide down. Button slip. Tits, Big, 
Brown. 
White. Bikini Stripes. 
Grips on wrist. Sweaty leather, pulls, sticks. 
Hot breath. Dry lips. Hair wisps in kiss. 
Leg back, lift. Ass. Smack! 
Noone can see? No. Windows dirty/cracked. 
Back. 
Knee jerk. Grab. Jack. 
Knees on seats. 
Prying elbows. Dust billows. Tough nipples. 
Thigh in teeth. Gritty cheek. Tip. Clit. Dress rip. Tounge on shin. Cunt. Cock. 
Tight fit. Plugged in. Sin. Steaming skin. 
Eyes meet- lock. Grin. Drip. Sweat dripping. Fuck. Fucking. Panting. Retrictive pants. Over heating. Pleading- Don't Stop! 
Yelling. Pushing. Pushing. Coffee cup, trash, crushed in corner thrashing. 
Push. Fill. Re-fill. Push in. Gush. Blood rush. Rushing, gushing- final thrust- gushed. Faces flushed. 

Receding. Car creeks quieting. Sweat pooling. 

Soaking. Cooling. 

Deep Breathing. 

Is it bad that I kind of hope he finds someone?

If I were at all musically inclined, and found myself in the position of having to think up a name for my band, I would just check CL.

DICK TERRORIST.

you wan bang? cause imma make you suck my dynamite strap on, then explode it in ya face 

can't wait to detonate on ya papí mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

send pics, lil breastfeedas wanted, cry for your mommy 

Dick Terrorist would immediately become super famous, and I would become a millionaire, and that would be awesome. It's a shame I'm tone deaf.

Some people are absurdly optimistic. Craigslist is an excellent example of this. Men write post after post, knowing that they're unlikely to get anything better than a link to a paysite.

Nowhere is this optimism more apparent than in the m4ww section. 

It's a sad reality that men are much more open to casual sex than women. Women are socialized to think casual sex is slutty, and we also have good reason to worry about our safety, so CL -- where people try to hook up with strangers for random fucking -- has a lot of frustrated straight guys. And really, beggars can't be choosers. Some people haven't grasped this yet.

I WANT WOMEN TO RUN A TRAIN ON ME:

i always wanted a few girls to make me their jump off and take turns making me fuck and suck on their cunts till they nut cute CLEAN shaved or waxed no hair down their girls 
me and a few friends gang banged one or 2 women back in the day don't ask because i wont tell i always wanted to know how the women felt 
or how i would feel if the tables were turned lol im brown skin 5'5 really cute i know how to lay pipe and eat a mean cooch something every man should learn 
to master must be at least 2 women so bring a friend OR 2 AND SHAVE YA PUSSY 

This is the kind of guy who encourages my evil side. 

Hi! Me and my friends have been looking for a guy to play with for a while, but we haven't found anyone uncreepy. I'm 5"4, 110, 32D redhead. My friends are both slender blondes, and we're all pretty hot. We all have nice thick bush, and we're not interested in shaving (razor burn, stubble) but if that bothers you enough to turn us down, we can always find someone else. Interested?

Here's the thing about guys who post on Casual Encounters with a list of requirements -- "You must be thin, white or Asian, multi-orgasmic, at least a C-cup, totally shaved, willing to take it bareback" -- you always wonder whether they'd actually turn down a hot black woman with a little extra weight. If they're posting on CL, they're pretty desperate.

Of course, my hypothetical sexy plus-sized black woman is a woman, on CL, in casual encounters and she can do whatever (whoever) the fuck she likes. If she posts an ad she'll be inundated with penis pics within ten minutes, and the guy she'll choose will probably be much hotter than the loser looking for slender white women only.

Awesome Titles.

• Your Handsome and Loyal Toilet.
  
• looking to eat your kitty kat.
  
• Be my Snowflake.
  

Apparently, there are many facets of human sexuality I have yet to learn about, including the one that associates snow with sex.

The first time I came across this, I was puzzled. I figured the guy just wanted to post a pic -- people are more likely to click on the entries with pictures attached -- and didn't want to put a photo of his cock on the internet.

But maybe I was wrong.

Does the snow make you horny? 

It makes me horny and sexually dominant!

Human sexuality is fascinating.

I Hate It When Craigslist Porn Turns Me On

I've mentioned how much I like the creativity of some craigslist ads. I haven't mentioned how much I love it when people write stories -- always, always in second person -- in an attempt to woo casual sex partners with their erotica-writing skills.

Erotica-writing skills are excellent in a sexual partner, casual or otherwise. A good dirty e-mail is a wonderful thing.

So I've started collecting examples of craigslist erotica.

This one is entitled YOU'RE A GREAT WIFE/GIRLFRIEND ... BUT YOU WANT TO BE A BLK COCK SLUT.  I personally don't know anyone who has sexual fantasies about being a different race but I can't say I've ever asked someone about that specifically. It's fine, it turns out that's not actually what he meant.

OK, you take the kids to soccer practice, shop at Whole Foods, make a nice house, provide excellent holiday memories, hair is always nicely arranged, you have a classic smile. Everything is together and you do the tings a responsible wife/girlfriend would do but one thing you crave black cock and want to be treated like a slut. Sure hubby/bf gets great head when he wants but he has no idea how sometimes you just need to suck, swallow, eat cum and be treated like a dirty whore. Suck me you slut dont blow me suck my head. Go deep gag on it you slut! Open wide let me see that cum shoot in your mouth. 

Truthfully he cant treat you the way you want sometimes and still respect you being a slut is about being used like an object doing one thing, sucking a big black cock and being used for someone else total pleasure.. I dont care if you feel good, Im not going to try and make you cum. I may tell you to finger yourself while sucking me. I may pinch your nipples to see you groan or whimper. I will cum on your face, tits or ass. Hubby cant treat you like this and give you what you crave but I can. 

Many women feel like this, its no surprise sex is different for everyone. Some women like ass play some dont, some like doggy and some like to be on top. There is no such thing as nice girl sex everyone is different. So just because you went to a nice college and come from a great family and drive an expensive car doesnt mean you dont need and want to be a slut once in a while. And guess what your husband wants to treat a woman like a slut too just not you,youre his wife. 

This is not at all like an affair, its a private,very private need you have. Do you have the courage to satisfy it? No love just lots of pleasure and a big black cock. I can keep a secret and you should be able to as well. This activity is between you and me, I am not telling the boys and you shouldnt whisper a word to your girlfriends. I am posting so you can reply. I know you are not a slut just sometimes you like to be treated like one. I know it is hard to find someone you trust to role play this with. I am giving you the chance live your slut fantasy. When you reply please tell me about yourself, your fantasies and how much you really want my big black cock. 

The man writing this somehow manages to be weirdly reassuring -- "it's okay that you're into this, there's no such thing as good girl sex, you're completely normal" -- even though the reassurance comes sandwiched between explicit sex talk.

Apparently, he thinks being a slut means that you don't get to come. Has he ever met a slut?

This thirty-two year old from Williamsburg writes actual erotica, even if only for a paragraph. 

I think the thing I want to do to you most (right now) is to get you on your hands and knees, but down, with your butt down by your feet, and get behind you, and kiss the bottoms of your feet, and suck on your toes, rub my face into your pussy, kissing your sex and getting your juices all over my face, rub my face into and lick your ass. Then after you are good and wet all over, I want to start by fucking your feet while I grab your sexy butt in my hands and massage you, make you crazy and make you wait a little, then finally stick my cock into your pussy and finger your asshole, kneeling over you and putting my face, warm with your juices, on you back...putting warm, wet kisses all over your back and your neck while we fuck. Then after you cum all over my cock, I want to pull out, and cum all over your ass, and pussy, and feet while I finger you. Then turn you over, fall on top of you and kiss you until we both fall asleep.

Something about the word "butt" doesn't quite work here. It seems out of place next to pussy and ass and cock. Third-graders say butt. Your mom says butt.

Another short one, this one titled Only email me if you're kinky enough to do this. 

One of my hands goes under your shirt to play with your chest while my other hand travels down south to finger your sweet tight pussy. You start moaning louder and louder as my finger gets deeper and deeper in your tight pussy that starts to get wet. I stop right before you're ready to orgasm and you get fully naked. You beg for me to take out my big cock while you play with yourself. When I feel you're ready for my dick I'll take it out so you can suck on it. You'll take it all the way in your mouth and make it nice and wet. When I feel that you've gagged on my cock enough I'll take my cock and rub it up and down your clit while you beg for me to stick it in your pussy. I'll put my cock into your pussy and start going deeper and deeper, faster and faster. I'll make your tight pussy wide. When I'm about to cum I'll stop pounding your pussy and go into your tight dirty ass and go into your ass deeper and deeper, faster and faster. When I feel I'm about to cum I'll take my cock out and make you suck me off till I cum and give you a facial. But I won't stop there I'll go back into your pussy to cum again while you lick my cum from your face. When i'm ready i'll cum in your mouth again. 

The first time I read this I was stoned off my ass and completely missed the ATM. I missed the buttsex entirely, actually, and I was completely ready to make fun of him for labeling such a vanilla fantasy as kinky. Now I'm thinking back on all the stoned sex I've had and wondering if it was kinkier than I remember.

I'm not completely sure if this counts but I'm sick of looking for erotica and this seems like a nice way to end it. This man wants Fun In The Dark At The Movies, and he has a very specific scenario in mind.

We can meet in the lobby of the theater and choose a movie. We should probably pick something that's been out for a few weeks, so it won't be as crowded and we have a better chance of having a little privacy. 

We enter the theater, and find seats towards the back, maybe even get a row to ourselves. You are wearing a skirt or a dress, and have a light jacket or a sweatshirt with you, to cover your legs during the movie (it gets cold, right?). 

When the movie starts, you cover your legs with the jacket, and I innocently let my hand drop into your lap, and under the covers. 

I will massage your thighs, moving my hand between your legs and spreading them apart. You'll hike up your skirt so you can spread your legs nice and wide. 

I'll move my hand slowly and teasingly up along your thighs until I reach your moist and dripping pussy. I'll rub your through your panties until you're soaked through, then, pushing them to one side, I'll finger your pussy and rub your clit until you cum, hopefully several times. I'll finger you for the entire movie, until the credits start to roll at the end. 

When the movie is over, you'll carefully slip off your cum drenched panties, hand them to me, then leave, satisfied and content, feeling the cool air against your wet and swollen pussy.

I feel like getting fingered for longer than ninety minutes might get a little painful after a while. Chafing!

Let's have a contest!

One of the main attractions of craigslist is the incredibly creative ways men think up in order to convince women to have sex with them. We've already seen a guy attempting to get laid with the help of misogynistic poetry, but that isn't nearly as special as this guy.

This guy is holding a blow job contest for cute girls.  And if you're all geared up to enter this contest and win a mouthful of come (there's no mention of any other prize) then stop and check your driver's license -- this contest is only open to those between eighteen and thirty-three. Sorry, MILFS.

i am a handsome nice WM with a great body and nice cock. 

i want to pair a few sets of cute blow job experts off to see who is the best of the best of CL NYC. these will be fun situations with getting to know each other before the competitive part begins. 

you will compete in pairs. i will try to get 8 girls total in the contest. the winner of each round will advance. 

you will each have a minute to make me nut and then swap off. the girl who makes me lose my load wins. 

the contest will start as soon as i get two girls and will be working on 8. send all your details if you are interested. tell me about your special talent and why you deserve to go tongue to tongue with other top notch talent.

I can't say I've seen anyone attempt to get sex by appealing to women's competitiveness. Points for creativity.

Deflowering

Assuming you don't live in an underground cave, you've heard the story of Natalie Dylan, a women's study student auctioning off her virginity in order to pay for school. Bidding has reading $3.8 million, so she's clearly quite successful. Male virginity isn't considered special (although it's just about as useless) so men are forced to turn in their v-cards the old-fashioned way. By which, of course, I mean craigslist.

I come across pleas for deflowering fairly regularly, but this one seemed worth posting. This young man is twenty years old, and so here's the deal: 

I have been saving myself for marriage, but I realize more and more that my wife probably will not be a virgin, so why should I? 

There's more but it's pretty boring. Anyway, I like this. I've always disapproved of abstinence until marriage. Fine, personal choice and all that, but that doesn't mean I have to think it's a good idea. I have had sex with virgins. It's not something I care to repeat.

Anyway, this is all very interesting if you're like me and you're completely fascinated by sexual double-standards and the abstinence movement and the attitudes people hold towards sex, but if you just want a quick laugh, you have to appreciate the photo he chose.

Just a tip.

If you insist on taking photos like this one, putting them on craiglist with the title first come first serve is absurdly optimistic.

PSA time and depression.

My last post was on dangerously tempting craigslist ads. This post is about ads that just seem like the author has given up. Most craigslist posters try to sell themselves -- hence "I am a supermodel with a ten-inch penis and I will smoke you out!" -- but these poor guys have just given up.

This young man has written a post entitled Down with the condom... I don't understand his ellipse, but I don't understand much about the title. Is that "down with the condom" as in "hey, I'm down with condoms" or as in "DOWN WITH CONDOMS!" 

Craigslist never disappoints.

I want to fuck bareback tonight. I want to experience finally what it feels like without the rubber. I'm latino, 5-8 and chubby. 

If you are responding to a craigslist ad, you should be using protection. 

Out of curiosity I did a search for bareback. Most people seem to have figured this out. There are some requests, but considering the sheer number of posts I'm proud of craigslisters. But not of this guy. He leads with the intriguing can you handle 20 cocks? and then proceeds to prove that he is dumb as a box of rocks, and thinks you are too.

yes im serious. im offering around 20 cocks for a super horny slut. 

you must be between 18-29. on the pill takes it bareback, loves analand pussy creampie and swollowing cum. must host. please send a pic and number. otherwise no response

20 cocks. Bareback. The kid is 19, which is no excuse because so am I and I know better. Go ahead, have a gangbang. There's always some kind of risk involved, but fucking 20 guys you met on craigslist and don't know without any protection is stupid. Bring condoms to your group sex.

This next one is just depressing as fuck. I feel sorry for the guy. He draws you in with a clever title -- Cripple needs a nipple, really -- but then proceeds to make you want to kill yourself.

Hello 
Seperated, lonely, need someone to help me forget i'm disable. 
I use a sportschair. to fly past everybody going downhill. haha 
Diner, movies, anything really, oh yeah must be 420 friendly. 
5 ft, 20 lbs overwieght. I know, I know, sorry. 
hey at least i still have a heartbeat. ok, sorry. that was bad. 
You must be a happy person, anything goes, but it goes better with a smile. 
emial me, I dare you. 

Um, hugs?

Temptation

The most dangerous thing about craigslist casual encounters is that they are sometimes incredibly tempting.

This post, for example, is entitled, perhaps somewhat repetitively, MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL MODEL. The request is completely vanilla, but there's a photo and the guy is cute. He has a hotel room in Beverly Hills. Hot guy, nice place, glam job, will probably buy me weed. I'm home for the holidays and bored off my ass. I see no bad. I could be having sex right now. I could be having stoned sex right now.

I click automatically whenever I see a post from a college student. I'm a college student, and I tend to have sex with other college students. Plus, college student means close to my age and relatively intelligent, which decreases the sketch factor considerably.

Except most of the time they never say which college. So the sketch factor is still pretty high.

I have no real point to this, except that this completely unremarkable post should be congratulated for leaving me legitimately tempted, and for having a photo that without showing the guy's face makes me think he's going to be hot. 

The guy is twenty-three, which is old for college. Either he's a grad student or just dumb. Either way, I could go for it.

Reading craigslist while bored is dangerous.